Play The Ouija, Or Go To Mass…

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The Ouija Board game was not allowed inside my parents’ house.  According to my mother, a Ouija board inside the home was an invitation for spirits,  the supernatural, and hormonal teenagers acting out like terrified hyenas.

In other words, for me to have my first Ouija seance experience, I had to leave home, and get my own apartment. That’s right — until I could be free, and living on my own, I would remain a Ouija virgin.

However.

Now that I’ve had all the Ouija experiences I could possibly have before turning into a ghost myself, I’m feeling a little ripped off.  Yeah, ripped off.  You see, it didn’t take long for me to discover that the Ouija board is nothing more than magic, spirits, and the forces of good versus evil.  Sound familiar?

Let me put it this way — I grew up in an Italian Roman Catholic home.  There was — if you take the New Testament literally — plenty of magic, spirits, and the forces of good versus evil in just one Easter Sunday!  It occurred to me that growing up with the fear of God in me was similar to playing the Ouija every day of my life.  Magic, spirits, and the forces of good versus evil — amen!

Before you accuse me of reducing Catholicism down to a Parker Brothers board game, let me say this.  I am not reducing Catholicism down to a Parker Brothers board game.

To the brothers Parker I say this: How about coming out with a more original Ouija board game?  Something exciting like, “Ouija: The 80s Edition”, or “Ouija: Pop Culture Edition.”  Just think  – we could be channelling spirits within their proper categories.  Now that would be no trivial pursuit.